froginmythroat (FIMT)

The Xmas Letter. The Xmas Letter is meant to be a communication device, an expression of one’s self to those whom they love who are far from them at a time of family, closure, reflection, and pause. It is with grandiose vision in mind, that I’ll try to lead you through my life as it has been lived this year. I will try and share what I can of myself to make up for what have not been able to share with most of you because of distance. I’ll aim for the goal of imparting to you the essence, feeling, flavours and my reality, but will settle for someone actually getting to the end of this email Like the State of the Union address, this is a State of the Soul letter, and as it unfolds you will see my thoughts and environment are invariably intertwined.

The landscapes I’ve passed through this year are Indonesian Aceh (3 months) and the Provincial Philippines (9 months) working as an IT software implementor for Microfinance organisations. Indonesia is a place I have written about on my blog, and so a quick rehash will suffice. It is exotic and foreign, and the skills I had developed to relate to the Cambodians where very much applicable and successful in the Indonesian environment. The trick was to learn as much of the local language as possible, through books, daily interactions with the maid/cook, the corner store owner, colleagues in the workplace, flirting, and the watching of music videos. Religion, specifically Islam, was infused in this strange simultaneously present but absent way. The presence of religion was like those picture illusions, the drawing doesn’t change, but depending on how you look at it, something is present, and in the next glance that something is not. I was able to successfully complete my work assignment in my own time, and in part because of my interest in developing my Indonesian was able to indulge in fulfilling social life that consisted of all locals (including an Indonesian Muslim girlfriend) bar two expats.

Provincial Philippines, specifically Bacolod, has been a completely different environment, and what worked for me in one place/time does not always work in another. I lack a sense of self-preservation and assertiveness that would otherwise had forced the more sane to have left early had they been experiencing the senses of isolation, disconnection, and stress that I have felt during this time here. I still can’t pinpoint exactly why is has been this way, maybe I’m not suited to small town life (rural life is fine!), maybe not having a language to learn hasn’t provided the same socialising impetus (Filipinos speak fantastic English), maybe the physical environment (mainly concrete-very few landscaped garden public spaces) and the food has been uninspiring. It was through this lens I experienced Bacolod, and despite being aware of other lenses I was never able to “break on through to the other side”.

Vision has been one of the big ideas consuming my thought this year. Despite being from within, a vision is built from the building blocks of what is around you. Every human endeavour starts with some sort of vision, from writing a movie script, to designing a Information Technology project. And it is the Philippines that has shown me that, for whatever the Philippines may lack in reality, it makes up for it in vision, aspiration and dreams. For example, I took MBA classes at the local university and here and in causal conversations, I would often hear Filipinos complain of their politicians as being hard-headed, self-interested, dogmatic and corrupt. But whereas the average Cambodian would merely accept the status quo and leave it unchallenged, young Filipino’s can envisage and articulate a different system they think would work for the better of their country. These aspirations to be something greater, or more than what is there, are manifest in such Filipino artworks as the trompe l’oeil frescoes of San Agustin Church. Organisations everywhere have and publicly display vision and mission statements on the outer walls of their buildings. Unfortunately for me I wasn’t able to absorb enough of this vision to dispel the loneliness of not having found friends and like minds in the organisational and social groups I frequented.

Filipino’s have the gift of expression and communication, and expressing oneself has been the second big idea I’ve spent many waking moments pondering. This not uncommon Filipino trait is manifest in the numerous live bands (exported to other parts of Asia), the display of prices on products in small corner stores, ubiquitous text messaging (I process something like 30-40 text messages/day), the numerous postings and paintings on walls for all to see on topics ranging from organisational visions, Bible psalms, religious praises (“God is Love”), desired character traits (“Choose Enthusiasm not Apathy!”), and government staff expectations in their dealings with the public (“We are not doing the public a favour by serving them, they are doing us a favour by giving us the opportunity to do so”). It has been impressed on me by those Filipino’s who have been extremely forthright and candid, people for whom there is direct channel between what they think and what they say (not a typical nor traditional Asian trait).

Vision and expression! Two powerful character traits I hope to develop more of. But the devil is in the details, and it’s in the implementation that many well intended Filipino grand plans fail (I hope the same fate does not befall this letter). For in part, implementing vision requires the almost selfish imposition of a particular viewpoint on the diversity of the whole wide world. And the Philippines is a diverse place with mixed influences and individual backgrounds ranging from the members of the landed elite during the Spanish colonial, to the those with dirt poor backgrounds that have “made it” through wise parenting, study and hard work (a testimony that the Filipino education system can work), to the mobile and educated middle class with relatives, sources of income and connections abroad (especially the US), to minority ethnic groups and the traditional rural class, more isolated and less penetrated by influences and ideas from the outside (more similar to the type of people I was working with in Cambodia and Indonesia). The Philippines being a democracy in theory tolerates this diversity, but it is a young democracy which lacks consensus, even on the rules of the political game, as seen in this year’s alleged coup d’état attempts and the temporary imposition of emergency powers for one week.

In mid January I will leave the Philippines, pass through Indonesia, Japan, and Australia and be back in New Zealand in February. This life as I have know it will crumble and fade leaving only memories, experiences, and the inner perspective and view of the world I have arrived at. That view is the combined product of the choices I made this year and the environment I was in. That environment will be gone, and the thoughts that accompanied it. I’ll be faced with starting a new life ­ again! When I return to New Zealand I hope old patterns will not resurface, but that I will have realised the ultimate goal of an overseas experience – to be taken not only out of my country but myself, and to return to see my country as a foreign land.

For me, this Xmas will be my first Xmas in 4 years I can spend with the people of the land (2002 ­ Laos, 2003 Cambodia, 2004 ­ Cambodia, 2005 ­ Indonesia ­ all predominately non-Christian countries). I’m already enjoying Xmas lights everywhere – on houses, buildings, and in the trees! May your Xmas be a reflective time of reconnection with your friends and family, your traditions that keep you grounded and your hopes that keep you moving forward.

Merry Christmas!

Oliver